My Neighbor the Mass Murder

originally written – Sunday, October 11, 2020 as a listener letter for My Favorite Murder Podcast

My wife is a longtime muderino and I finally started listening at the beginning of this year and quickly became a big fan. After your recent minisode with a story about a creepy neighbor I knew I had to send in this story.

In the summer of 2010, my wife and I bought our first home, closing on it two days before our wedding and moved in the day after our honeymoon ended. A couple of months later I was mowing the front yard one afternoon and noticed a man walking along the fence at the neighborhood park across the street. I then realized he was urinating, and it was about time for the bus to stop in front of the park letting elementary school children out at the end of the day. So, I did what any reasonable human would do and called the cops. Of course, he was gone by the time the school bus and the police arrived. I filed this away in my brain as a weird story. Over the next few months as my wife and I got to know our neighbors we learned this man had quite the reputation among the neighborhood. One neighbor’s sons nicknamed him Mr. Thirsty because he was always carrying a bottle in a brown paper sack and drinking from it. Mr. Thirsty was caught several other times urinating in public, but it turns out this was minor compared to what was to come. In late summer 2013 my wife texted me a news story in shock of a quadruple homicide happening just around the corner from our house. I sent the story to our now former neighbors who had moved back to Michigan and they told me the suspect was in fact Mr. Thirsty. He had shot his mom, his sister, his teenage niece and his infant nephew. He was mad because they would not let him move to California to be with his one true love – Selena Gomez. The moral of the story is stay sexy and stay clear of the neighborhood drunk who urinates in public.